1
00:00:08,049 --> 00:00:09,629
"MELISSA AND JOEY" IS RECORDED IN
FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.

2
00:00:09,630 --> 00:00:12,302
SO IN SUMMARY, YOU NEED
TO APPROVE THE LOAN

3
00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:13,723
FOR LONGO FIT VIRTUAL GYM

4
00:00:13,724 --> 00:00:14,934
BECAUSE THE ONLY THING
IN BETTER SHAPE

5
00:00:14,935 --> 00:00:16,936
THAN ITS OWNER, IS
ITS PROFIT MARGIN.

6
00:00:16,937 --> 00:00:18,728
OH, GREAT JOB.

7
00:00:18,729 --> 00:00:20,140
REALLY, YOU'RE SURE?
IT WASN'T TOO LONG?

8
00:00:20,141 --> 00:00:21,141
IT DIDN'T FEEL TOO SHORT?

9
00:00:21,142 --> 00:00:23,103
JOE, IT'S FINE.

10
00:00:23,104 --> 00:00:26,736
HONEY, FINE IS FOR LOSERS.

11
00:00:26,737 --> 00:00:28,818
I MEAN, I NEED IT TO
BE PERFECT, ALL RIGHT?

12
00:00:28,819 --> 00:00:29,909
'CAUSE THE SOONER
I GET THIS LOAN,

13
00:00:29,910 --> 00:00:31,491
THE SOONER I CAN LAUNCH
THIS VIRTUAL GYM

14
00:00:31,492 --> 00:00:32,952
AND GET LONGO FIT OUT
THERE, EVERYWHERE.

15
00:00:32,953 --> 00:00:35,916
YOU KNOW, WORLDWIDE. MAYBE...
MAYBE EVEN BEYOND.

16
00:00:37,208 --> 00:00:39,419
LOOK, THE BANK WOULD
BE CRAZY TO SAY NO.

17
00:00:39,420 --> 00:00:41,040
ONLINE ONE-ON-ONE
TRAINING SESSIONS?

18
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,922
THAT'S SOMETHING I
WOULD DO EVERY DAY.

19
00:00:42,923 --> 00:00:44,164
WELL, EVERY OTHER DAY.

20
00:00:44,165 --> 00:00:46,045
OKAY, ONCE A WEEK. I'M
A VERY BUSY WOMAN.

21
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:49,048
ANYWAY, YOU LET ME KNOW IF THERE'S
ANYTHING YOU NEED HELP WITH.

22
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,931
THERE IS ACTUALLY ONE
VERY SPECIFIC THING

23
00:00:51,932 --> 00:00:54,134
THAT YOU COULD DO FOR ME.

24
00:00:54,135 --> 00:00:56,976
YEAH, WELL YOU KNOW I'M
ALWAYS UP FOR THAT.

25
00:00:56,977 --> 00:00:58,638
LEAVE ME ALONE FOR
THE NEXT 48 HOURS.

26
00:00:58,639 --> 00:00:59,939
WHAT?

27
00:00:59,940 --> 00:01:01,771
JOE LONGO DOESN'T
WANT TO HAVE SEX?

28
00:01:01,772 --> 00:01:05,024
YEAH, HONEY. I'M LIKE A
BOXER BEFORE A BIG FIGHT.

29
00:01:05,025 --> 00:01:09,239
I REALLY NEED TO
CONSERVE MY ESSENCE.

30
00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:11,901
ALL RIGHT, THAT JUST MEANS I DON'T HAVE
TO SHAVE MY LEGS FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS.

31
00:01:11,902 --> 00:01:15,034
( cheering ) I SHALL
RUN AND LET THE WIND

32
00:01:15,035 --> 00:01:17,367
BLOW THROUGH MY LEG HAIR.

33
00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:18,658
YOU'RE NOT GONNA RUN.

34
00:01:18,659 --> 00:01:19,790
NAH, NOT A CHANCE.

35
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,662
( theme music playing )

36
00:01:22,663 --> 00:01:25,665
♪ I GUESS YOU'RE STUCK ♪

37
00:01:25,666 --> 00:01:29,550
♪ WITH ME ♪

38
00:01:32,052 --> 00:01:33,303
OH, RYDER, HEY.
YOU REMEMBER WHEN

39
00:01:33,304 --> 00:01:34,674
YOU BROUGHT HOME
THAT BAD MATH TEST

40
00:01:34,675 --> 00:01:35,845
AND I BIT YOUR HEAD OFF.

41
00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:39,179
IT WAS LIKE A LITTLE
OVER 28 DAYS AGO...

42
00:01:39,180 --> 00:01:41,221
YEAH, YOU MEAN THAT TIME YOU
GOT IRRATIONALLY ANGRY,

43
00:01:41,222 --> 00:01:45,685
AND CRIED, AND THREW
CHOCOLATE AT ME.

44
00:01:45,686 --> 00:01:47,857
I WAS AIMING FOR YOUR MOUTH.

45
00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:49,989
BUT, YEAH, THAT'S THE DAY.

46
00:01:49,990 --> 00:01:51,321
CAN YOU CHECK YOUR CALENDAR?

47
00:01:51,322 --> 00:01:52,782
I NEED TO KNOW THE EXACT DATE

48
00:01:52,783 --> 00:01:55,034
BECAUSE I USUALLY PUT IT IN
MY CALENDAR LIKE EVERY MONTH.

49
00:01:55,035 --> 00:01:56,616
I DON'T HAVE A TEST EVERY MONTH.

50
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,448
JUST TELL ME.

51
00:01:58,449 --> 00:02:00,330
OKAY, ALL RIGHT. UH, HERE IT IS.

52
00:02:00,331 --> 00:02:01,741
I BROUGHT HOME THE TEST
ON THE FOURTEENTH.

53
00:02:01,742 --> 00:02:02,792
SO THAT WAS, WHAT?

54
00:02:02,793 --> 00:02:03,913
SIX WEEKS AGO.

55
00:02:03,914 --> 00:02:05,915
WHAT? NO, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

56
00:02:05,916 --> 00:02:08,248
THAT MEANS IT'S BEEN SIX
WEEKS SINCE MY LAST PERIOD.

57
00:02:08,249 --> 00:02:11,382
YOUR PERIOD, YOU'RE
GRADING PERIOD.

58
00:02:13,464 --> 00:02:15,014
YEAH, I DON'T KNOW WHY
YOU'RE SO WORRIED

59
00:02:15,015 --> 00:02:17,467
ABOUT MY GRADES, AUNT MEL, OKAY?
I GOT ANOTHER TEST THIS WEEK

60
00:02:17,468 --> 00:02:18,928
AND I'M GONNA DO BETTER.
I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS

61
00:02:18,929 --> 00:02:19,929
IF I GET ANOTHER "C."

62
00:02:19,930 --> 00:02:21,060
WHAT HAPPENS?

63
00:02:21,061 --> 00:02:22,972
( chuckling ) OH, VERY FUNNY.

64
00:02:22,973 --> 00:02:25,144
YEAH, LIKE WHO COULD FORGET
A PUNISHMENT LIKE THAT.

65
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:28,147
OH, I DIDN'T FORGET, YOU KNOW.

66
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,729
SO YOU LIVE IN FEAR OF THAT,

67
00:02:29,730 --> 00:02:33,072
EXACT PUNISHMENT, THAT
IS SO AWFUL THAT I...

68
00:02:33,073 --> 00:02:35,905
I JUST CAN'T SAY IT OUT LOUD...

69
00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:36,906
YOU CAN.

70
00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:38,328
SEE?

71
00:02:38,329 --> 00:02:41,412
SEE, YOU CAN'T. IT'S THAT AWFUL.

72
00:02:51,842 --> 00:02:53,634
( alarm ringing )

73
00:02:57,848 --> 00:02:59,099
OH, BOY.

74
00:03:05,436 --> 00:03:07,146
PRESTON, MY MAN.

75
00:03:07,147 --> 00:03:10,149
MY BRILLIANT,
MATH-UNDERSTANDING MAN.

76
00:03:10,150 --> 00:03:11,441
WHAT'S UP?

77
00:03:11,442 --> 00:03:13,653
RYDER, WHY COULD YOU
POSSIBLY BE SPEAKING TO ME

78
00:03:13,654 --> 00:03:14,734
FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER?

79
00:03:14,735 --> 00:03:16,696
( laughing ) THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

80
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:17,947
HEY, LISTEN, UM...

81
00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:22,822
I HAVE A LITTLE BIT
OF A SERIOUS PROBLEM.

82
00:03:22,823 --> 00:03:24,414
I NEED TO GET A "B"
ON MY NEXT TRIG TEST.

83
00:03:24,415 --> 00:03:27,627
OR MY AUNT WON'T LET ME GO TO THE
SENIOR TRIP TO WASHINGTON D.C.

84
00:03:27,628 --> 00:03:30,089
OH, THAT'S TOO BAD. THE D.C.
TRIP IS REPUTED TO BE

85
00:03:30,090 --> 00:03:31,751
THE HIGHLIGHT OF SENIOR YEAR.

86
00:03:31,752 --> 00:03:33,963
STUDENTS RUNNING WILD,
SKINNY DIPPING IN THE POOL,

87
00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:36,045
JUMPING ON HOTEL BEDS...

88
00:03:36,046 --> 00:03:37,757
IF THAT KIND OF THING
APPEALS TO YOU.

89
00:03:37,758 --> 00:03:40,179
OH, IT DOES. WHICH IS
WHY I NEED YOUR HELP.

90
00:03:40,180 --> 00:03:43,052
I THINK IF YOU PREP ME FOR
THE TEST, I CAN GET A "B."

91
00:03:43,053 --> 00:03:45,395
HMM...

92
00:03:45,396 --> 00:03:47,397
I'LL DO IT ON ONE CONDITION.

93
00:03:47,398 --> 00:03:49,018
YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH...

94
00:03:49,019 --> 00:03:50,060
LAYLA PETERSON, RIGHT?

95
00:03:51,692 --> 00:03:53,232
MAKE HER LIKE ME.

96
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:56,616
( nervous laughter )
THAT'S A TALL ORDER.

97
00:03:56,617 --> 00:04:00,490
YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY...
WHAT'S THE WORD?

98
00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:04,203
WHAT GIRLS ARE INTERESTED IN.

99
00:04:04,204 --> 00:04:07,127
BUT, IF YOU WANT TO
RUN WILD IN D.C...

100
00:04:08,709 --> 00:04:09,790
OKAY, COME ON.

101
00:04:11,081 --> 00:04:12,131
( clears throat ) LAYLA, HEY...

102
00:04:12,132 --> 00:04:14,964
NOT NOW, RYDER. I'M
TRYING TO STUDY.

103
00:04:14,965 --> 00:04:17,046
IF I FAIL ANOTHER TRIG TEST,
MY PARENTS ARE GONNA KILL ME.

104
00:04:17,047 --> 00:04:19,048
YOU'RE IN LUCK.
BECAUSE PRESTON HERE

105
00:04:19,049 --> 00:04:20,260
IS A MATH GENIUS.

106
00:04:21,642 --> 00:04:24,594
HE IS LIKE THE EINSTEIN
OF BEING SMART...

107
00:04:24,595 --> 00:04:27,266
SO, LISTEN, WHY DON'T YOU
JOIN OUR STUDY GROUP?

108
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,018
YOU WOULD BE EMBRACED.

109
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:30,730
IN OUR GROUP, NOT BY ME.

110
00:04:30,731 --> 00:04:32,101
IN MY ARMS.

111
00:04:32,102 --> 00:04:34,273
BELIEVE ME, IF YOU CAN
HELP ME PASS TRIG

112
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,025
I'LL BE THE ONE EMBRACING YOU.

113
00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:38,107
( nervous laughter )

114
00:04:38,108 --> 00:04:41,201
TAKE IT EASY, DUDE. YOU'RE
STEAMING UP YOUR GLASSES.

115
00:04:46,617 --> 00:04:49,168
HEY, JOE, YOU GOT A MINUTE?

116
00:04:49,169 --> 00:04:51,120
YEAH, I COULD ACTUALLY
USE A WORK BREAK ANYWAY.

117
00:04:51,121 --> 00:04:52,332
WHAT'S UP?

118
00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:56,085
UH, WELL, I WAS THINKING
ABOUT THE FUTURE.

119
00:04:56,086 --> 00:04:59,128
AND MAYBE WE SHOULD
HAVE A DINNER PARTY.

120
00:04:59,129 --> 00:05:00,299
AND YOU KNOW WHO
WE SHOULD INVITE?

121
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,382
YOUR FRIEND DEREK, AND
HIS GIRLFRIEND LISA

122
00:05:02,383 --> 00:05:03,924
THAT HE ACCIDENTALLY
GOT PREGNANT, WHOOPS.

123
00:05:05,976 --> 00:05:07,597
THAT WORKED OUT FOR THEM, RIGHT?

124
00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:09,929
DEREK IS HAPPIER NOW THAN
HE HAS BEEN IN YEARS, HUH?

125
00:05:09,930 --> 00:05:12,141
YES, GOOD FOR THEM.

126
00:05:12,142 --> 00:05:13,272
YEAH, ANOTHER HAPPY COUPLE.

127
00:05:13,273 --> 00:05:15,144
OH NO, HE'S NOT
WITH LISA ANYMORE.

128
00:05:15,145 --> 00:05:17,026
BUT I THOUGHT YOU
SAID HE WAS HAPPY?

129
00:05:17,027 --> 00:05:19,899
YEAH, BECAUSE NOW HE'S DATING
A 23-YEAR-OLD LINGERIE MODEL.

130
00:05:19,900 --> 00:05:21,701
SO WHAT HAPPENED TO LISA?

131
00:05:21,702 --> 00:05:23,403
YOU KNOW, HONEY, THEY RUSHED
INTO GETTING MARRIED,

132
00:05:23,404 --> 00:05:25,495
AND THEN BABY CAME ALONG, AND THAT
EVEN PUT MORE PRESSURE ON 'EM,

133
00:05:25,496 --> 00:05:27,537
AND THEN THEY GOT DIVORCED. THAT'S WHAT
HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T FOLLOW THE RULES.

134
00:05:27,538 --> 00:05:29,620
CAP IT BEFORE YOU TAP IT?

135
00:05:33,003 --> 00:05:35,164
NO. NO, HONEY.

136
00:05:35,165 --> 00:05:37,336
NO, FIRST COMES LOVE,
THEN COMES MARRIAGE,

137
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,459
THEN COMES DEREK WITH
A BABY CARRIAGE.

138
00:05:39,460 --> 00:05:41,171
WORDS TO LIVE BY.

139
00:05:42,763 --> 00:05:44,514
ACTUALLY THINKING ABOUT
EVERYTHING DEREK WENT THROUGH

140
00:05:44,515 --> 00:05:46,135
MAKES ME REALIZE THAT THE
PROBLEMS I'M DEALING WITH

141
00:05:46,136 --> 00:05:47,346
ARE NOT REALLY THAT BIG A DEAL.

142
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:48,519
HM.

143
00:05:50,731 --> 00:05:51,852
GLAD I COULD HELP.

144
00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:57,607
WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

145
00:05:57,608 --> 00:05:59,569
TELL ME ABOUT IT.

146
00:05:59,570 --> 00:06:01,110
I SCRATCHED MY CAR.

147
00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:02,902
IT'S JUST A LITTLE ONE.
BUT THE THING IS,

148
00:06:02,903 --> 00:06:04,744
WHEN I GOT MY CAR,
JOE GUARANTEED ME

149
00:06:04,745 --> 00:06:06,946
THAT I'D HAVE AN
ACCIDENT WITHIN A WEEK.

150
00:06:06,947 --> 00:06:09,288
OH, WELL YOU SHOWED HIM.
IT'S BEEN, WHAT, 10 DAYS?

151
00:06:09,289 --> 00:06:13,122
DO WE HAVE TO TELL HIM
ABOUT THE SCRATCH?

152
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:16,085
LOOK, YOU LUCKED OUT. JOE IS
ON THE 48-HOUR NO BOTHER LIST

153
00:06:16,086 --> 00:06:17,757
WHILE HE GETS READY FOR
HIS LOAN PRESENTATIONS.

154
00:06:17,758 --> 00:06:19,999
SO, YOU GET YOUR CAR FIXED BY
THEN AND I WON'T TELL HIM.

155
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,210
SERIOUSLY?

156
00:06:21,211 --> 00:06:22,592
COOL, THANKS, AUNT MEL.

157
00:06:22,593 --> 00:06:24,003
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL TAKE
MY CAR TO THE BODY SHOP

158
00:06:24,004 --> 00:06:25,716
TOMORROW BEFORE ZANDER
COMES OVER TO WORK.

159
00:06:26,967 --> 00:06:28,928
HE'S BEEN HERE A LOT, LATELY.

160
00:06:28,929 --> 00:06:30,269
I MEAN, I KNOW YOU'RE
COLLABORATING,

161
00:06:30,270 --> 00:06:31,971
BUT ARE YOU COLLABORATING?

162
00:06:31,972 --> 00:06:35,725
NO, WE ARE JUST PLATONIC FRIENDS
AND ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE.

163
00:06:35,726 --> 00:06:36,776
IT'S WHAT WE BOTH WANT.

164
00:06:36,777 --> 00:06:39,109
AND THIS IS WHAT I WANT.

165
00:06:49,199 --> 00:06:50,660
HM, HUH...

166
00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:54,874
YOU KNOW, IT TURNS OUT I
JUST REALLY DON'T WANT WINE.

167
00:06:54,875 --> 00:06:57,958
WHAT? YOU, NOT WANTING WINE?
WHAT, ARE YOU PREGNANT?

168
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,130
OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE PREGNANT!

169
00:07:01,131 --> 00:07:03,252
SHH, I HAVEN'T TOLD JOE YET.

170
00:07:03,253 --> 00:07:04,924
OKAY, AND HE'S VERY TRADITIONAL.

171
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,926
THERE'S NO TELLING HOW THIS
WILL AFFECT OUR RELATIONSHIP.

172
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,888
HE MIGHT NOTICE IF
YOU PUT ON 50 POUNDS

173
00:07:08,889 --> 00:07:10,890
AND THEN A PERSON
POPS OUT OF YOU.

174
00:07:10,891 --> 00:07:12,642
OKAY, I'M GOING TO SEE
THE DOCTOR TOMORROW,

175
00:07:12,643 --> 00:07:14,554
TAKE ANOTHER TEST AND
FIND OUT WHEN I'M DUE.

176
00:07:14,555 --> 00:07:15,935
AND THEN, AFTER
JOE'S PRESENTATION

177
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:18,227
I WILL FIND THE PERFECT
WAY TO TELL HIM.

178
00:07:18,228 --> 00:07:20,480
BUT UNTIL THEN, YOU DO NOT TELL
A SINGLE PERSON, UNDERSTOOD?

179
00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:22,692
OKAY, LOOK, AS LONG AS YOU
DON'T TELL HIM ABOUT MY CAR

180
00:07:22,693 --> 00:07:24,524
YOU COULD BE SQUIRTING MILK
FROM HERE TO CLEVELAND

181
00:07:24,525 --> 00:07:26,235
AND I STILL WOULDN'T
SAY A THING.

182
00:07:26,236 --> 00:07:31,201
OKAY, WAY TO SIMULTANEOUSLY
SUPPORT AND TRAUMATIZE ME.

183
00:07:35,786 --> 00:07:37,707
LONGO, YOU CAN DO
BETTER THAN THIS.

184
00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:39,499
HEY, JOE. HOW'S YOUR
PROPOSAL GOING?

185
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,961
( growls )

186
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,883
I'M SORRY, I DON'T SPEAK BEAR.

187
00:07:43,884 --> 00:07:46,676
OKAY, SERIOUSLY, AM
I THE ONLY PERSON

188
00:07:46,677 --> 00:07:47,757
WHO EVER EMPTIES THIS THING?

189
00:07:47,758 --> 00:07:49,510
YES, YOU ARE. THANKS, JOE.

190
00:07:51,091 --> 00:07:52,552
UGH...

191
00:07:52,553 --> 00:07:54,223
WILL YOU GRAB ME
ANOTHER BAG, PLEASE?

192
00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:55,935
YEAH.

193
00:07:55,936 --> 00:07:58,728
HEY, WHAT THE...

194
00:07:58,729 --> 00:08:00,019
WHO IN THIS HOUSE TOOK
A PREGNANCY TEST?

195
00:08:00,020 --> 00:08:01,020
UH... ME.

196
00:08:01,021 --> 00:08:05,484
LENNOX, THIS IS POSITIVE.

197
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,027
OH, YEAH, THAT'S NOT MINE.

198
00:08:08,448 --> 00:08:09,448
YOU JUST SAID IT WAS.

199
00:08:09,449 --> 00:08:12,953
WELL... YEAH.

200
00:08:14,454 --> 00:08:15,615
YOU'RE PREGNANT?

201
00:08:15,616 --> 00:08:19,789
IF THAT IS MY TEST,
THEN I HAVE TO SAY,

202
00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:22,042
YES I AM.

203
00:08:27,968 --> 00:08:29,178
I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS.

204
00:08:29,179 --> 00:08:30,509
THIS IS HOW WE FIND OUT
THAT YOU ARE PREGNANT?

205
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,592
OKAY, JOE, DON'T WORRY.

206
00:08:32,593 --> 00:08:35,094
I GUARANTEE YOU YOU WILL HAVE A
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT OUTLOOK

207
00:08:35,095 --> 00:08:36,686
ON THIS IN LIKE 48 HOURS.

208
00:08:36,687 --> 00:08:39,729
THIS IS NOT SOMETHING
THAT TIME HEALS, LENNOX.

209
00:08:39,730 --> 00:08:41,851
WHO'S THE FATHER, HUH?

210
00:08:41,852 --> 00:08:43,943
WHAT IS IT, THAT EMERSON PUNK?

211
00:08:43,944 --> 00:08:46,105
UGH, GROSS, I WOULDN'T EVEN
PRETEND TO BE HAVING HIS BABY.

212
00:08:46,106 --> 00:08:48,528
WELL, IF IT'S NOT EMERSON
THEN IT'S GOTTA BE...

213
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,702
ZANDER...

214
00:08:52,783 --> 00:08:54,413
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.

215
00:08:54,414 --> 00:08:56,616
I NEVER BOUGHT THIS WHOLE
PLATONIC FRIENDS ACT

216
00:08:56,617 --> 00:08:57,997
YOU TWO HAD GOING ON,
ANYONE CAN SEE YOU GUYS

217
00:08:57,998 --> 00:08:59,458
ARE STILL CRAZY
ABOUT EACH OTHER.

218
00:08:59,459 --> 00:09:00,580
WE ARE NOT.

219
00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:02,121
OH, SAYS THE MOTHER
OF HIS LOVE CHILD.

220
00:09:02,122 --> 00:09:04,543
OKAY, OKAY, JOE. JUST
DON'T WORRY, ALL RIGHT?

221
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,085
FOCUS ON WHAT'S REALLY
IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW,

222
00:09:06,086 --> 00:09:07,546
YOUR LOAN PRESENTATION.

223
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,879
YEAH, SURE, OKAY. 'CAUSE
AS LONG AS WE GOT MONEY

224
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:11,220
WHO CARES HOW MANY
PREGNANT TEENAGERS

225
00:09:11,221 --> 00:09:12,221
ARE RUNNING AROUND THE HOUSE.

226
00:09:12,222 --> 00:09:13,674
SEE, THAT'S THE SPIRIT.

227
00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:22,732
SO, WHEN AM I DUE?

228
00:09:22,733 --> 00:09:23,943
BECAUSE I'D LIKE SOME TIME

229
00:09:23,944 --> 00:09:25,444
BEFORE I HAVE TO BREAK THE
NEWS TO MY BOYFRIEND.

230
00:09:25,445 --> 00:09:28,398
LIKE, THREE OR FOUR
YEARS SHOULD DO IT.

231
00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:31,901
WELL, THEN I HAVE
GOOD NEWS FOR YOU.

232
00:09:31,902 --> 00:09:33,322
YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT.

233
00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:36,365
I'M NOT PREGNANT? BUT, WHAT
ABOUT THE HOME TEST I TOOK?

234
00:09:36,366 --> 00:09:38,908
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW OLD
THAT TEST MIGHT HAVE BEEN?

235
00:09:38,909 --> 00:09:41,370
WELL, IT WAS IN A BOX OF STUFF
MY FRIEND HEATHER GAVE ME

236
00:09:41,371 --> 00:09:43,162
WHEN SHE LEFT TO BECOME A
COLOR ME BADD GROUPIE.

237
00:09:43,163 --> 00:09:45,875
SO, NOT BRAND NEW.

238
00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:48,297
WELL, THERE'S YOUR PROBLEM.
EXPIRED PREGNANCY TESTS

239
00:09:48,298 --> 00:09:50,259
CAN SOMETIMES GIVE
A FALSE POSITIVE.

240
00:09:50,260 --> 00:09:51,590
BUT WHAT ABOUT MY
MONTHLY VISITOR?

241
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,342
SHE HASN'T STOPPED BY IN WEEKS.

242
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:56,215
HAS THERE BEEN ANY CHANGE
TO YOUR REGULAR ROUTINE?

243
00:09:56,216 --> 00:09:57,556
ANYTHING STRESSFUL?

244
00:09:57,557 --> 00:10:00,099
NOT REALLY, JUST DOING
THE USUAL HIGH-SPEED,

245
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,220
MODERN DANCE WOMAN DOES.

246
00:10:01,221 --> 00:10:03,482
YOU KNOW... RAISING
KIDS, DOING HER JOB,

247
00:10:03,483 --> 00:10:05,604
TRYING TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP,
LEANING IN, SUCKING UP...

248
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,527
SOMETIMES I DO FALL ASLEEP
AT RED LIGHTS, THOUGH.

249
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,780
I MIGHT BE A LITTLE
STRESSED OUT.

250
00:10:10,781 --> 00:10:13,863
WELL, NOW YOU HAVE ONE
LESS THING TO WORRY ABOUT.

251
00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:16,035
GREAT, I'M NOT PREGNANT.

252
00:10:16,036 --> 00:10:18,659
I'M NOT PREGNANT.

253
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,581
I MIGHT HAVE MIXED
EMOTIONS ABOUT THIS.

254
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,375
IN A SCALENE RIGHT-ANGLE TRIGON,

255
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:29,048
THE TANGENT OF 65° IS
EQUAL TO EIGHT OVER FIVE.

256
00:10:29,049 --> 00:10:31,250
FIND THE SLOPE OF
THE HYPOTENUSE.

257
00:10:31,251 --> 00:10:32,592
ARE YOU JUST MAKING
THIS STUFF UP?

258
00:10:33,714 --> 00:10:36,756
ISN'T A SLOPE LIKE A HILL?

259
00:10:36,757 --> 00:10:39,929
COME ON, GUYS.
THIS IS NOT TOUGH.

260
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,310
OKAY, OKAY, I GOT THIS.

261
00:10:41,311 --> 00:10:43,352
SAY THE PART ABOUT
THE HILL AGAIN.

262
00:10:43,353 --> 00:10:45,144
( laughing )

263
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,436
IT'S NOT A HILL, IT'S A SLOPE.

264
00:10:47,437 --> 00:10:49,608
OH, RELAX. HE'S JUST KIDDING.

265
00:10:49,609 --> 00:10:50,770
CAN'T YOU TAKE A JOKE?

266
00:10:50,771 --> 00:10:52,692
RYDER, YOU ARE SO FUNNY.

267
00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:53,984
NO, YOU'RE SO FUNNY.

268
00:10:55,615 --> 00:10:57,366
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
MAKING ME LOOK COOL.

269
00:10:57,367 --> 00:10:58,778
- YEAH.
- DO YOU WANT TO GO TO D.C. OR NOT?

270
00:10:58,779 --> 00:11:01,120
OKAY, I'M GETTING THERE.
ALL RIGHT?

271
00:11:01,121 --> 00:11:04,413
UH, LAYLA? YOU KNOW
WHAT'S MORE IMPRESSIVE

272
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:05,544
THAN BEING FUNNY?

273
00:11:05,545 --> 00:11:06,956
BEING SMART.

274
00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:08,207
AND PRESTON HERE,

275
00:11:08,208 --> 00:11:09,668
GOT A PERFECT SCORE
ON HIS S.A.T.

276
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:12,631
AND EARLY ACCEPTANCE TO BROWN.

277
00:11:12,632 --> 00:11:13,964
THE COLOR?

278
00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:16,595
NO, NO, IT'S A SCHOOL.

279
00:11:16,596 --> 00:11:18,849
- OH.
- RIGHT?

280
00:11:21,852 --> 00:11:24,223
YOU'RE SO FUNNY.

281
00:11:24,224 --> 00:11:26,686
DUDE, I THINK SHE LIKES YOU.

282
00:11:31,651 --> 00:11:33,863
WELL, WELL, WELL...

283
00:11:33,864 --> 00:11:36,276
LOOK WHO DECIDED TO SHOW UP
TO MY HOUSE, VOLUNTARILY.

284
00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:39,578
THIS MUST BE MY LUCKY DAY.

285
00:11:39,579 --> 00:11:40,990
HEY, JOE...

286
00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:42,451
DON'T "HEY, JOE" ME, PAL.

287
00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:43,702
YOU AND I NEED TO
HAVE A LITTLE CHAT.

288
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,875
SURE, CAN I PLUG
MY PHONE IN FIRST?

289
00:11:45,876 --> 00:11:47,667
I FORGOT TO CHARGE
IT LAST NIGHT.

290
00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,131
HOW COULD YOU AND LENNOX
BE SO IRRESPONSIBLE?

291
00:11:52,132 --> 00:11:53,543
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S JUST A PHONE.

292
00:11:54,674 --> 00:11:56,836
SHE IS PREGNANT WITH
YOUR CHILD, MAN.

293
00:11:56,837 --> 00:11:58,637
WHAT?

294
00:11:58,638 --> 00:12:01,010
"WHAT," DON'T PLAY DUMB,
ALL RIGHT, SHE TOLD ME.

295
00:12:01,011 --> 00:12:03,512
OKAY, WELL THAT WOULD...

296
00:12:03,513 --> 00:12:05,344
THAT WOULD MAKE HER LIKE...

297
00:12:05,345 --> 00:12:07,016
YOU KNOW, SHE DOESN'T LOOK
EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT.

298
00:12:07,017 --> 00:12:09,558
QUIT PLAYING YOUR GAMES, ZANDER.
YOU'RE THE FATHER, PERIOD.

299
00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:11,690
ALL RIGHT, AS MUCH AS I
CAN'T STAND THIS FACT,

300
00:12:11,691 --> 00:12:13,692
YOU ARE NOW GONNA BE
SOLELY RESPONSIBLE

301
00:12:13,693 --> 00:12:15,064
FOR TAKING CARE OF
LENNOX AND THAT BABY.

302
00:12:15,065 --> 00:12:16,857
SO SHE'S REALLY PREGNANT?

303
00:12:19,319 --> 00:12:20,409
THIS, UH...

304
00:12:20,410 --> 00:12:22,701
THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.
OH, MY GOD!

305
00:12:22,702 --> 00:12:24,663
HEY, LOOK. CALM DOWN, ALL RIGHT?

306
00:12:24,664 --> 00:12:26,745
I MAY HAVE JUST COME DOWN A
LITTLE HARD ON YOU OVER THERE.

307
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,037
THE POINT IS, WE'RE
GONNA GET THROUGH THIS.

308
00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:31,581
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT FAMILIES DO.

309
00:12:33,673 --> 00:12:35,465
COME HERE, SON.

310
00:12:37,467 --> 00:12:38,507
- ARE YOU GOOD?
- I'M ALL GOOD.

311
00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:39,509
GREAT.

312
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,721
LOOK, PREGNANCIES...

313
00:12:42,722 --> 00:12:44,594
( voice quivering ) THEY CAN
BRING OUT A LOT OF EMOTIONS.

314
00:12:46,686 --> 00:12:47,726
YEAH, THEY CAN.

315
00:12:47,727 --> 00:12:49,889
BUT THE POINT IS...

316
00:12:49,890 --> 00:12:50,890
I'M GONNA BE RIGHT BACK.

317
00:12:50,891 --> 00:12:51,892
I UNDERSTAND.

318
00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:54,104
( phone beeping )

319
00:12:57,107 --> 00:13:01,530
"ZANDER, WHATEVER YOU DO,
DON'T GO TO MY HOUSE, 9-1-1."

320
00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:02,993
( laughing ) NO FREAKING
KIDDING, LENNOX.

321
00:13:06,496 --> 00:13:08,038
( phone ringing )

322
00:13:10,170 --> 00:13:11,710
LENNOX?

323
00:13:11,711 --> 00:13:14,463
HEY, AUNT MEL. LISTEN, THEY'RE
SAYING THAT THIS PAINT JOB

324
00:13:14,464 --> 00:13:16,715
IS GONNA BE $600. ARE
THEY RIPPING ME OFF?

325
00:13:16,716 --> 00:13:18,968
OH, HONEY, THAT'S WHAT THEY
DO TO US BEAUTIFUL BLONDES.

326
00:13:18,969 --> 00:13:20,679
BUT YOU STAND FIRM
LIKE A MATURE WOMAN,

327
00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:23,222
AND CRY UNTIL THEY
LOWER THE PRICE.

328
00:13:23,223 --> 00:13:27,516
WOW, THAT IS SO OFFENSIVE. AND
TOTALLY BRILLIANT, THANKS.

329
00:13:27,517 --> 00:13:30,099
OH YEAH, AND THERE'S ONE
OTHER THING YOU SHOULD KNOW,

330
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:32,892
( power drill whirring )

331
00:13:32,893 --> 00:13:34,693
HONEY, I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

332
00:13:34,694 --> 00:13:35,695
( whirring continues )

333
00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:38,697
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT, JUST...
I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

334
00:13:38,698 --> 00:13:40,359
BYE.

335
00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:43,072
HEY, WE NEED TO TALK.

336
00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:45,364
OH, I CAN'T RIGHT NOW, JOE. I
JUST STOPPED BY TO PICK UP

337
00:13:45,365 --> 00:13:47,156
MY NOTES FOR MY AFTERNOON
MEETING WITH THE MAYOR.

338
00:13:47,157 --> 00:13:48,618
I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

339
00:13:49,619 --> 00:13:50,870
YOU DO?

340
00:13:50,871 --> 00:13:54,793
YEP, I FOUND OUT ABOUT
LENNOX'S LITTLE ACCIDENT.

341
00:13:54,794 --> 00:13:58,008
OH RIGHT, LENNOX'S ACCIDENT.

342
00:13:59,799 --> 00:14:02,381
SO YOU KNEW? WHY
DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

343
00:14:02,382 --> 00:14:03,512
WELL, YOU WERE BUSY.

344
00:14:03,513 --> 00:14:05,634
AND FRANKLY, WE THOUGHT
YOU'D OVERREACT.

345
00:14:05,635 --> 00:14:07,636
OVERREACT?

346
00:14:07,637 --> 00:14:10,599
IF ANYTHING, I'M UNDERREACTING.

347
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,231
I CAN ASSURE YOU, YOU'RE NOT.

348
00:14:12,232 --> 00:14:13,772
HONEY, SHE WAS COMPLETELY
IRRESPONSIBLE.

349
00:14:13,773 --> 00:14:14,974
SHE DIDN'T EVEN TELL ZANDER.

350
00:14:14,975 --> 00:14:16,735
WELL, WHY WOULD SHE?
THEY'RE NOT A COUPLE.

351
00:14:16,736 --> 00:14:17,898
WAIT, WAS HE THERE
WHEN IT HAPPENED?

352
00:14:19,399 --> 00:14:21,740
I'M PRETTY SURE HE WAS, YEAH.

353
00:14:21,741 --> 00:14:23,072
AND HE HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW.

354
00:14:23,073 --> 00:14:25,484
OKAY, LOOK, IT'S NOT
THAT BIG A DEAL.

355
00:14:25,485 --> 00:14:27,696
THEY'RE TEENAGERS, THIS KIND OF
THING HAPPENS FROM TIME TO TIME.

356
00:14:27,697 --> 00:14:29,039
IT HAPPENED TO ME
WHEN I WAS HER AGE.

357
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,291
WHAT?!

358
00:14:32,292 --> 00:14:33,372
YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT.

359
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,753
WELL, WHAT'S TO TELL?

360
00:14:34,754 --> 00:14:36,125
SOME GUY PULLED OUT
IN FRONT OF ME,

361
00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:37,707
TRIED TO STOP, IT
WAS JUST TOO LATE.

362
00:14:43,093 --> 00:14:45,594
I DIDN'T NEED THE PICTURE!

363
00:14:45,595 --> 00:14:47,806
LOOK, JOE, JUST RELAX, OKAY?

364
00:14:47,807 --> 00:14:49,138
LENNOX AND I WILL HANDLE
THIS WHILE YOU TAKE CARE

365
00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:51,390
OF WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT,
YOUR LOAN APPLICATION.

366
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,142
HOW COULD YOU EVEN BE THINKING OF
SOMETHING LIKE THAT RIGHT NOW?

367
00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:54,563
DO YOU NOT HAVE ANY
PRIORITIES AT ALL?

368
00:14:54,564 --> 00:14:56,225
COURSE I DO, WHICH IS WHY I
HAVE TO GET BACK TO WORK.

369
00:14:56,226 --> 00:14:57,776
ALL RIGHT, FINE, YOU DON'T WANT
TO HANDLE THIS WHOLE THING

370
00:14:57,777 --> 00:14:59,438
WITH LENNOX, NO PROBLEM.
I'LL HANDLE IT.

371
00:14:59,439 --> 00:15:01,860
FINE, BUT GO EASY ON HER.
JUST HAVE HER EXPLAIN

372
00:15:01,861 --> 00:15:03,612
EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED,
AND THEN SHOW HER

373
00:15:03,613 --> 00:15:06,655
SOME MANEUVERS TO AVOID
THE SITUATION NEXT TIME.

374
00:15:06,656 --> 00:15:07,736
BYE, HONEY.

375
00:15:07,737 --> 00:15:10,910
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG
WITH YOU PEOPLE?

376
00:15:17,457 --> 00:15:20,039
OKAY, I'VE EXPLAINED
EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW.

377
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:21,840
YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO
FINISH THIS PROBLEM

378
00:15:21,841 --> 00:15:24,754
IN THE AMOUNT OF TIME IT TAKES TO
GET MYSELF A NON-DAIRY BEVERAGE.

379
00:15:26,386 --> 00:15:27,466
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.

380
00:15:27,467 --> 00:15:31,430
SO THE IMAGINARY
NUMBER "I" IS...

381
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:34,683
OH, MY GOD. I'M ACTUALLY
STARTING TO GET THIS.

382
00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:36,145
ALL RIGHT, SO ALL WE HAVE TO
DO IS TAKE THE SQUARE ROOT...

383
00:15:36,146 --> 00:15:39,108
THIS IS BORING, CAN WE
TAKE A STUDY BREAK?

384
00:15:39,109 --> 00:15:42,061
LAYLA, IF I DON'T GET THIS, THEN
I CAN'T GO ON THE TRIP TO D.C.

385
00:15:42,062 --> 00:15:43,522
SO, DO WE HAVE THE ANSWER?

386
00:15:43,523 --> 00:15:45,365
YEAH, ALMOST.

387
00:15:52,372 --> 00:15:53,453
TO HELL WITH D.C.

388
00:15:55,285 --> 00:15:56,285
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!

389
00:15:56,286 --> 00:15:57,456
THAT'S IT.

390
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:59,168
WHEN I'M WITH THE
REST OF THE SENIORS

391
00:15:59,169 --> 00:16:00,419
SITTING ON ABRAHAM
LINCOLN'S LAP,

392
00:16:00,420 --> 00:16:02,881
YOU'LL REGRET THIS, RYDER.

393
00:16:02,882 --> 00:16:05,635
YEAH, I DON'T THINK I WILL.

394
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:10,049
OH, GREAT. HEY,
LISTEN TO ME, MAN.

395
00:16:10,050 --> 00:16:11,090
WORD TO THE WISE...

396
00:16:11,091 --> 00:16:12,392
DON'T EVER HAVE SEX.

397
00:16:13,933 --> 00:16:15,014
THANKS, JOE.

398
00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:16,395
YEAH, LOOK, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

399
00:16:16,396 --> 00:16:17,976
YOUR SISTER GOT HERSELF INTO
A LITTLE BIT OF TROUBLE,

400
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:20,269
AND NO ONE HERE WANTS TO HANDLE
IT, SO I'M GONNA HANDLE IT.

401
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:21,771
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL,
IT'S JUST A LITTLE BUMP?

402
00:16:24,364 --> 00:16:25,524
YOU KNEW, TOO?

403
00:16:25,525 --> 00:16:27,906
YEAH, SHE WAS ACTING
ALL WEIRD THIS MORNING

404
00:16:27,907 --> 00:16:30,409
WHEN I ASKED HER FOR A RIDE,
SO SHE FINALLY CAME CLEAN

405
00:16:30,410 --> 00:16:31,740
AND SHOWED ME THE
PHOTOS ON HER PHONE.

406
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:34,703
IT'S PRETTY UGLY.

407
00:16:34,704 --> 00:16:36,575
HEY, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT
IT LOOKS LIKE, ALL RIGHT?

408
00:16:36,576 --> 00:16:39,118
IT'S STILL PART OF THIS FAMILY.

409
00:16:39,119 --> 00:16:40,460
AND WE WILL LOVE IT.

410
00:16:45,585 --> 00:16:46,885
OH, MY GOD, ZANDER.

411
00:16:46,886 --> 00:16:48,587
LOOK, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU, OKAY?
JUST LISTEN.

412
00:16:48,588 --> 00:16:49,678
I'VE GIVEN THIS A LOT OF THOUGHT

413
00:16:49,679 --> 00:16:50,719
AND I KNOW THAT YOU'RE PREGNANT,

414
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:52,091
AND OBVIOUSLY IT'S NOT MINE,

415
00:16:52,092 --> 00:16:53,222
SO I CAN ONLY ASSUME
THAT IT'S EMERSON'S...

416
00:16:53,223 --> 00:16:54,303
WHOA, OKAY. ZANDER, NO...

417
00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:55,634
JUST LET ME FINISH, OKAY?

418
00:16:55,635 --> 00:16:57,015
I KNOW THAT WE'RE JUST
SUPPOSED TO BE FRIENDS NOW.

419
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,138
AND...

420
00:16:59,139 --> 00:17:01,400
YOU JUST NEED TO UNDERSTAND
THAT YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

421
00:17:01,401 --> 00:17:04,693
OKAY? 'CAUSE YOU HAVE ME.

422
00:17:04,694 --> 00:17:05,905
AND YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE ME.

423
00:17:07,647 --> 00:17:09,448
YOU WANT TO BE WITH ME
EVEN IF I'M PREGNANT

424
00:17:09,449 --> 00:17:10,490
WITH EMERSON'S BABY?

425
00:17:12,362 --> 00:17:13,362
YEAH, I DO.

426
00:17:13,363 --> 00:17:16,415
YOU ARE AMAZING.

427
00:17:16,416 --> 00:17:18,538
KIND OF CRAZY, BUT
MOSTLY AMAZING.

428
00:17:22,662 --> 00:17:24,084
THERE'S ONLY ONE PROBLEM.

429
00:17:26,005 --> 00:17:27,427
I'M NOT PREGNANT.

430
00:17:28,928 --> 00:17:30,719
YOU'RE NOT?

431
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,381
MM-MM.

432
00:17:32,382 --> 00:17:33,592
IS THAT A DEAL BREAKER?

433
00:17:33,593 --> 00:17:35,435
I THINK I'LL FIND SOME
WAY TO GET OVER IT.

434
00:17:42,642 --> 00:17:44,853
WHOA, WHAT'S ALL THAT?

435
00:17:44,854 --> 00:17:46,895
THIS IS ME TAKING YOUR
PREGNANCY SERIOUSLY.

436
00:17:46,896 --> 00:17:49,148
BECAUSE SOMEBODY HAS TO. HERE.

437
00:17:49,149 --> 00:17:52,782
"WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE
UNEXPECTEDLY EXPECTING."

438
00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:55,654
OPRAH LOVES THAT ONE.

439
00:17:55,655 --> 00:17:59,538
OKAY, JOE, LOOK. I KNOW
WHAT I SAID EARLIER.

440
00:17:59,539 --> 00:18:02,291
BUT THE TRUTH IS I WAS COVERING.

441
00:18:02,292 --> 00:18:03,542
THAT PREGNANCY TEST WASN'T MINE.

442
00:18:03,543 --> 00:18:05,874
SO, YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT?

443
00:18:05,875 --> 00:18:06,915
NO.

444
00:18:06,916 --> 00:18:09,758
OH, THANK GOD. THAT'S AWESOME.

445
00:18:09,759 --> 00:18:11,670
BECAUSE I GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING,
YOU'RE NOT READY FOR A BABY...

446
00:18:11,671 --> 00:18:14,473
WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT,
WHOSE TEST WAS THAT?

447
00:18:14,474 --> 00:18:15,515
UH...

448
00:18:18,348 --> 00:18:21,521
THAT WAS... THAT WAS MEL'S?
MEL IS PREGNANT?

449
00:18:24,724 --> 00:18:26,396
I'M GONNA BE A FATHER.

450
00:18:29,319 --> 00:18:30,899
I'M GONNA BE A FATHER.

451
00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:33,363
I HEAR OPRAH LOVES THIS ONE.

452
00:18:41,581 --> 00:18:45,414
WELL, IF EVER THERE WAS A
DAY THAT I DESERVE THIS,

453
00:18:45,415 --> 00:18:46,456
IT'S TODAY.

454
00:18:49,879 --> 00:18:50,960
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

455
00:18:52,091 --> 00:18:53,212
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

456
00:18:53,213 --> 00:18:54,253
NO NO NO NO NO

457
00:18:54,254 --> 00:18:55,425
NO NO NO NO NO.

458
00:18:57,056 --> 00:18:58,056
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

459
00:18:58,057 --> 00:18:59,057
TELL YOU WHAT?

460
00:18:59,058 --> 00:19:00,639
THAT I'M GONNA BE A FATHER.

461
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,352
OH, BOY.

462
00:19:03,723 --> 00:19:04,764
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT.

463
00:19:12,982 --> 00:19:13,982
IT'S SOMEONE ELSE'S?

464
00:19:13,983 --> 00:19:16,235
NO, LISTEN, JOE.

465
00:19:16,236 --> 00:19:19,578
I TOOK A PREGNANCY TEST, BUT
IT WAS A FALSE POSITIVE.

466
00:19:19,579 --> 00:19:21,370
I'M NOT PREGNANT.

467
00:19:21,371 --> 00:19:23,372
OH.

468
00:19:23,373 --> 00:19:25,123
( sighs )

469
00:19:25,124 --> 00:19:27,496
I GOTTA TELL YOU, HONEY.
THAT IS A RELIEF.

470
00:19:27,497 --> 00:19:29,087
IT IS?

471
00:19:29,088 --> 00:19:32,501
YEAH, YEAH, 'CAUSE I'M NOT
REALLY READY FOR A BABY.

472
00:19:32,502 --> 00:19:37,005
NOT THIS WEEK. THIS HAS
REALLY BEEN A BAD WEEK.

473
00:19:37,006 --> 00:19:38,597
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL
ME WHAT WAS GOING ON?

474
00:19:38,598 --> 00:19:40,599
WELL, BECAUSE YOU WERE BUSY
WITH YOUR PRESENTATION

475
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:42,180
AND THEN WE STARTED TALKING
ABOUT YOUR FRIEND DEREK,

476
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,353
AND HOW AN UNPLANNED PREGNANCY
RUINED HIS RELATIONSHIP.

477
00:19:44,354 --> 00:19:46,565
AND I JUST DIDN'T WANT THAT
TO HAPPEN TO YOU AND ME.

478
00:19:46,566 --> 00:19:48,437
IT WOULDN'T HAVE.

479
00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:49,568
WE AREN'T THEM.

480
00:19:49,569 --> 00:19:51,730
SO, IF I HAD BEEN PREGNANT?

481
00:19:51,731 --> 00:19:55,275
I WOULD BE THE HAPPIEST
GUY IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

482
00:19:59,279 --> 00:20:01,820
I'M SORRY, I SHOULD HAVE TOLD
YOU AS SOON AS IT HAPPENED.

483
00:20:01,821 --> 00:20:03,493
LIKE WITH LENNOX
SCRATCHING HER CAR.

484
00:20:06,666 --> 00:20:08,166
SHE SCRATCHED HER CAR?

485
00:20:08,167 --> 00:20:11,540
OKAY, YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO OVERREACT, ARE YOU?

486
00:20:11,541 --> 00:20:15,003
AFTER WHAT I'VE
BEEN THROUGH TODAY?

487
00:20:15,004 --> 00:20:16,095
NO FREAKING WAY.

488
00:20:18,047 --> 00:20:19,339
NO PROMISES ABOUT
TOMORROW, THOUGH.

489
00:20:24,013 --> 00:20:25,103
HEY, HONEY.

490
00:20:25,104 --> 00:20:27,015
HEY, SO HOW'D THE MEETING GO?

491
00:20:27,016 --> 00:20:28,016
BANK OFFICER LOVED IT.

492
00:20:28,017 --> 00:20:29,227
GREAT!

493
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,440
YEAH, UNTIL SHE LOOKED
ME UP ONLINE AND SAW

494
00:20:31,441 --> 00:20:34,062
THAT I USED TO WORK FOR SCANLON.
TURNS OUT THAT SCANLON

495
00:20:34,063 --> 00:20:36,485
STOLE HER FATHER'S
ENTIRE LIFE SAVINGS.

496
00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:38,116
SO, SHE DIDN'T
GIVE YOU THE LOAN?

497
00:20:38,117 --> 00:20:40,118
SHE TRIED TO HIT
ME WITH A STAPLER.

498
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:42,120
JOE, I'M SO SORRY.

499
00:20:42,121 --> 00:20:43,742
NO, THAT'S OKAY. I WAS
ACTUALLY JUST HAPPY

500
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:44,994
THAT SHE COULDN'T LIFE
THE COPY MACHINE.

501
00:20:46,125 --> 00:20:47,245
IT'S GONNA BE FINE, THOUGH.
YOU KNOW WHY?

502
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,077
BECAUSE I HAVE AN
UNBEATABLE PRODUCT.

503
00:20:49,078 --> 00:20:50,168
AND AMAZING GOOD LOOKS.

504
00:20:50,169 --> 00:20:51,130
WELL, I WASN'T GONNA SAY THAT.

505
00:20:51,131 --> 00:20:53,211
YES, YOU WERE.

506
00:20:53,212 --> 00:20:55,294
YOU'RE RIGHT.

507
00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:56,505
HEY, GUYS.

508
00:20:56,506 --> 00:20:57,926
AH-AH, HEY, DIDN'T YOU GET

509
00:20:57,927 --> 00:20:58,967
YOUR MATH TEST BACK TODAY?

510
00:20:58,968 --> 00:21:00,679
YEAH.

511
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,641
ANOTHER "C"? RYDER!

512
00:21:02,642 --> 00:21:04,383
ALRIGHT, GO AHEAD.
MAKE IT OFFICIAL.

513
00:21:04,384 --> 00:21:06,685
GIVE ME THE PUNISHMENT
YOU PROMISED.

514
00:21:06,686 --> 00:21:09,227
YEAH, THE PUNISHMENT I PROMISED.

515
00:21:09,228 --> 00:21:11,189
I HEREBY GIVE YOU...

516
00:21:11,190 --> 00:21:12,561
THAT.

517
00:21:12,562 --> 00:21:14,944
EH, IT WAS WORTH IT.

518
00:21:18,067 --> 00:21:19,067
YOU HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT THAT PUNISHMENT

519
00:21:19,068 --> 00:21:20,108
WAS SUPPOSED TO BE, DO YOU?

520
00:21:20,109 --> 00:21:21,360
NOT A CLUE.

521
00:21:21,361 --> 00:21:23,031
UNTIL WE HAVE KIDS OF OUR OWN,

522
00:21:23,032 --> 00:21:24,242
IT'S KIND OF NICE TO
HAVE THESE OTHER ONES

523
00:21:24,243 --> 00:21:25,615
TO MAKE MISTAKES ON.